How do you make contact successfully on a dating site?

Whoever writes emails to other singles, is often frustrated because there are so few replies. On the one hand, this is due to the system, but, on the other, to oneself. We explain to you how to drastically increase your reply rate.

You have registered, completed your profile and are already on the hunt for interesting singles. However, so far, you have not received any replies to your messages...

We have a remedy for that! We are delighted to give you some assistance so that your next messages will not end up being a flop.

The personal approach creates trust

If you have found an interesting profile you should then try to build trust with the other user. That certainly will not be achieved with a crude chat-up line; instead try the following options:

  • Show that you appreciate the interests of the other single and would like to find out more about them.
  • Imagine, so that the other single can imagine with whom he or she is dealing with.
  • Pay attention to the writing still of the single. Is it casual? Then try that too!

Pay close attention to the style of the profile. If it is short and concise, then you should keep your replies short. If you have the same hobbies, values and attitudes, it makes sense to mention them. In that way, you’ll have the opportunity to create a sense of familiarity.

Compliments give the message a certain kick!

But watch out! If a compliment is too corny, it can be very uncomfortable. We have learned that singles affected like this immediately delete such messages. The reason being: You feel disgusted, because it appears the person is very needy. We, therefore,advise against the following kind of wording and phrasing:


You are the most beautiful woman I have ever set eyes on. Your eyes twinkle like diamonds. Your parents must be thieves who stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes...

Sounds awful, but it happened recently to one of our testers. A line like this sounds much better:


I think it’s great that we share the same interests. By the way, I also have a dog that I go on walks with for hours every day. Do you, perhaps, feel like causing a little commotion together in the dog-walking park?

Criticism and fibs are unwanted. Be positive!

Yes, you read that correctly. You would not believe how often such messages are sent. It’s no wonder that the amount of griping is so high. We wonder why singles do that to themselves. In order to encourage reflection on such behaviour, we like to compare it with everday situations. Imagine the following. You are out and about in the city and want to buy some cakes at the bakers for a later visit. If manners are important to you, then you will not say the following:


Listen, you old boot, I need three pieces of cake, but wash your hands first. You’re certain to pass on a disease with mitts like that. And have you never heard of botox? Take a look in the mirror......I would be ashamed of myself!!!

Unfortunately, manners in online-dating are often on a coffee break and singles, who have anything and everything to complain about, feel they are in the right. Just ask yourself, how you would like to be treated yourself. Did the remarks to the bakery assistant seem fair to you? If not, then behave differently!

Try to steer the conversation in a positive direction. If the single person does still not appeal to you, you can politely say goodbye.

Negativity does not get you anywhere in life. Those who want to cope with everyday life successfully, need positive attitudes. That also applies to online-dating. Focus on what you really would like to find and it will automatically come to you. Apart from that, have a little respect and a few friendly words never harmed anyone!


Henning Wiechers
Henning Wiechers
Henning Wiechers has been monitoring the world of online dating sites since 2003. In the media it is considered the leading expert on the topic of "online dating".